Greetings & Salutations,
As many of you likely know, a few years ago there was an incident on the site that involved the fabricated death of a member. This was a very unfortunate situation, but the Governors decided to take no disciplinary action against the person responsible. The other day this member decided to return and has offered her heartfelt apology to the Governors and the site.
We do not expect everyone to accept this apology, but the Governors have accepted it and have invited her to return to our community with no repercussions. We want to stress that bullying of any kind will not be tolerated toward this person. Part of being a community is understanding each others shortcomings and not holding grudges for past mistakes. We are all going to move past this together and our site will be stronger for it.
She has also asked us to share the following apology with the members.
First off I’d like to say that I’m extremely sorry for all the stress and pain I’ve caused the community. I can’t understate just how guilty I feel, and have felt for so long. All I’ve been thinking is about how much I wish that I could turn back time and change everything, but obviously that’s not possible—so I’m just hoping that my words will show that, at the least, I haven’t taken any of this lightly either.
I’m so sorry for the deception, in the creation of multiple fake people and especially in the faking of breast cancer and of death. I should never have used either of those issues as a tool to gain popularity or love of any kind and I feel sick to my stomach thinking about my actions. I’ve spent a long time trying to figure out why I did that, and I’m still not totally sure. The best explanation I can offer is that at that time, I was very young and very insecure—and very uneducated too (which doesn’t justify any of it; I would like to make explicit that this explanation is only that—not in any way an attempt to excuse my actions). Some of my insecurities were of the typical pre-teen/teen girl variety. Some were magnified because I’m an Indian immigrant in the United States and at that time, during very formative years, I felt intensely like I did not belong anywhere. I was neither Indian or American, which brought me to search for any kind of community that would accept me—and then to cling to that community and use it to get the affection and love and attention that I, at the time, believed I wasn’t getting elsewhere.
It was extremely immature and manipulative of me, and I regret that so much. I used others’ pictures because I didn’t feel beautiful or worthy (and my lack of self esteem was propagated by the colorism in American society, which made it really hard for me, as a darker-skinned person, to believe that I was beautiful or worthy in any way). During that time, I extended the fantasy of roleplay as a way for me to invent a better version of myself—the version that I always secretly wished I could be.
I never intended for it all to spiral so much and there were many moments where I wanted to say the truth so badly. But I was too terrified—which is also why I ran away the moment that everything came to light. I regret my cowardice and my long silence. This is also why I returned to the site and created new characters secretly, as another cowardly attempt to enter the community again. I said very few things about my personal identity as a writer, but a lie by omission is still a lie and for that I’m really sorry. I realize that those actions only further deepen distrust of me, which I understand completely.
All of this still does not justify or excuse my actions in the slightest. I don’t expect forgiveness or understanding of any kind, and if the community determines that I should be banned I will fully respect that. In your place I would absolutely do the same. I want to say that I really did consider everyone in this community to be my friends (although I understand if you don’t feel that way yourself anymore) and I’m so so sorry about hurting all of you.
Thank you for allowing me to explain, and again, I’m really sorry that this apology comes so long overdue.
Thank you all for reading.